


Sales Pitch

by millionstar



Category: Muse
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 02:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/818866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millionstar/pseuds/millionstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Dominic has an exciting new idea for a piece of merchandise. Or so he thinks...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sales Pitch

**Author's Note:**

>  This is crack of the utmost crackiness.  Not to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form...  but it was damned fun to write. 

Title:  Sales Pitch

Author:  [](http://millionstar.livejournal.com/profile)[ **millionstar**](http://millionstar.livejournal.com/)  


Pairing:  Belldom  

Rating:  R   

Warnings:  Language, unfortunate marketing choices.  

Summary:  Dominic has an exciting new idea for a piece of merchandise. Or so he thinks...

Feedback:  Always appreciated, but please, just enjoy.  :)

Disclaimer:  I don't own Muse, no profit is being made and this is fiction.

Beta/Support:  As always, the wonderful [](http://dolce-piccante.livejournal.com/profile)[ **dolce_piccante**](http://dolce-piccante.livejournal.com/)! 

Author's Note:  This is crack of the utmost crackiness.  Not to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form...  but it was damned fun to write. 

  


"This is a very, very bad idea."

  


"How do you know?  We could always put it out there and see what happens.  If it bombs, well, then it bombs.  But I bet it will be a big hit!"

  


Matthew winced and tried again.  "Look, you always do an amazing job with the merchandise, don't get me wrong."  He rolled towards Dominic, the sheet spilling down to his waist as he moved closer.  A head full of dark hair made itself comfortable upon Dominic's bare shoulder, kissing his collarbone softly.  "I just," he licked his lips, choosing his words carefully, "don't know if this _particular_ idea for a product is a very good one?"

  


"How about if you don't worry your gorgeous little head about it, yeah?" Dominic purred, lifting Matthew's head for a kiss. 

  


"Stop using your body to distract me, Dom."  

  


The drummer frowned, disappointment clouding his features.  "A little support would be nice, Matt."

  


"Dom, you know I always support you... normally.  I'm just saying that I don't think the world is ready for Muse Tampons, you know?"

  


"Matt, do you know how many of our fans are female?"

  


"A shitload, yes, I know, you've given me the percentages countless times.  And the pie charts, and the graphs."

  


"Okay, then.  Yes, a shitload.  And they love to, you know," Dominic waved his hand in the air, "accessorize and stuff, yeah?"

  


Matthew considered this, his brow wrinkling in concentration.  "I don't think tampons are really, well, accessories?  Are they?  I mean, they..." abruptly he shook his head violently and waved his hands around "no, no, no I don't want to think about this anymore." 

  


"See," Dominic beamed, " _that's_ why I'm the merchandising genius and you aren't.  And, remind me, which one of us is the expert at accessorizing?"

  


"You are," the singer sighed, rolling his eyes.

  


"Correctamundo."

  


"I'm calling Chris," Matthew announced suddenly.  "Or maybe Tom, one of them will be able to talk sense into you-"

  


Dominic was incredulous at the sheer amount of cheek Matthew was presenting him with, and not just because he was leaning over the side of the bed in search of his phone, arsecheeks on display.  No, he was gutted that Matthew was being so difficult about this.  He was _so_ gutted that he actually pushed Matthew off the bed, the singer landing on the floor with a decidedly feminine yelp.  The blond's hands flew to his mouth, shocked at what he'd just done.

  


After a moment or two, Matthew's face slowly emerged from the side of the bed, his eyes dark and his hair sticking up.  He stood, Dominic shrinking back from the rage that was, no doubt, about to erupt.

  


"You _fucker_ ," Matthew hissed as he dove onto the bed, latching onto Dominic's hair and pulling.  They rolled around on the bed, both of them shrieking and yelling as their slaps increased in volume and severity.  

  


"Not the hair!  I'll fucking kill you, you snaggle-toothed fuck!"

  


Dominic had just, blissfullly, managed to get his hands around Matthew's throat...

  


... when his alarm went off...

  


... dragging him back to reality.  

 

He pried his hands off the pillow that he'd apparently pretended was Matthew in his dream and began to laugh hysterically at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.  He had showered and was dressing when his phone rang.  

  


"Hey," Matthew said softly on the other end of the line, "you awake?  Sleep well?" 

  


Dominic smiled.  "Yes and yes.  Did you and Chris have a good breakfast?"

  


"Yeah!  Missed you, though.  You should have come with us!"

  


"How long have the two of you known me?  You should know by now that I'm not getting up at the break of dawn unless it's a matter of  life or death.  Besides, the conditions of the bet _you_ made with Chris that _you_  lost were that _you_ had to keep him company on his early morning run for a whole week.  Although, it's sweet that you missed me," he teased.

  


Matthew coughed gruffly; Dominic could hear Chris' voice in the background.  "Um, yeah.  Well."

  


"Matthew _misssssssed_ me."

  


"Dom."

 

"How's the arse?"

 

" _Dominic_."

  


"Did Chris ask why you were walking with a limp this morni-"

  


" _Yes, well, okay then_ ," Matthew said loudly, Dominic smirking on the other end of the line, "Yeah, well, you ready to come over so we can get this meeting going?  We're all curious as to what this new piece of merch you have for us is." 

  


"Be there in five."

  


As he grabbed his keys he laughed again at the dream he'd had.  It had seemed so real, and yet how could it have been?  Dominic, after all, wouldn't be so crass as to introduce the idea of stamping the Muse logo onto a tampon.   

  


He had standards, after all. 

  


The blond walked out into the street with a smile on his face and a song in his heart.  He was pretty certain that the guys were gonna love what he had for them.

  


After all, Muse Lube, Dominic reckoned, was gonna be _huge_.

  
  



End file.
